


When I Think About You I Touch Myself

by PunishedPyotr



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Crack, Fantasizing, M/M, Masturbation, Snark, reupload, the most terrible thing my hands have wrought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 15:10:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13661592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunishedPyotr/pseuds/PunishedPyotr
Summary: Specifically, I touch my temples.Because my head hurts.Because you're awful.





	When I Think About You I Touch Myself

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Psycho Mantis Watching Porn of Himself](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9516515) by [FoxLoaf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxLoaf/pseuds/FoxLoaf). 



> FoxLoaf had been removing all connections to me for reasons wholly beyond my understanding, so just in case she rejects this as being inspired by and/or takes down her own fics, [here's an archive.is link of what spawned _this_ fic](http://archive.is/yDBHn). It doesn't really make sense anymore without seeing that...  
>  No, there isn't any drama between us, Scout's honor. I really don't understand it. Whatever, she can do what she wants, but I need this link.

“Iyaaan~~~”

Mantis’ dusky nibs were just visible, sticking out into the cool night air from under where the leather of his shirt… thing… was bunched up across his chest, having been pushed up and out of the way. Liquid put his mouth on them and laved his tongue over the rosebuds, like a dehydrated dog.

“Ah- aah— ahn ♥︎”

He mewled under Liquid’s ministrations, blushing, open-mouthed, a thin stream of saliva running down his chin. His back arched, hips lifting up, and Liquid ran his hands across his ribs, toying with them like each bone was the individual bar on a xylophone. The strap connected to the ring over the center of his chest stretched down to his belt, not touching his stomach, instead traversing from his ribcage to his pelvis like a bridge over-

Now that Liquid thought about it, Mantis’ outfit really didn’t make sense. Why _did_ he dress like that, anyway?

Nevermind. “Oh, oh Eli~ ♥︎ I want you inside me, Eli~ ♥︎♥︎”

Smirking, Liquid opened his mouth and said-

_Well, this is probably the worst thing I have ever seen._

Liquid’s eyes snapped open. He froze, fingers still curled around his dick.

Why the _fuck_ was he hearing Mantis’ voice in his head, now of all times?? It was three in the fucking morning!

_I could ask you something similar._ You _need sleep, you know._

“Go away,” Liquid said out loud. “Let me wank in peace.”

_While thinking about_ me? _I think not. This is just_ degrading _. Honestly, I feel insulted — violated, even._

Liquid growled into his pillow. _Then don’t_ watch, he thought. _Don’t you have anything better to do?_

_Not presently, no._

Hadn’t that man ever heard of the concept of _privacy?_ Well, let him be a voyeur if he wished to. Spitefully, Liquid closed his eyes again and continued the fantasy.

He kissed him, their tongues battling for dominance, and-

_I can’t believe this._

“Shut up,” Liquid groaned.

—Liquid sought out Mantis’ entrance with his hand, at first just teasing then slipping one finger into his twitching pucker, then two.

“Mmmmmmmmmmmngh~”

“Do you like that, lover?” Liquid whisper suavely into his ear, scissoring his fingers and stretching his delicate walls.

“Oh, yes! ♥︎“

_I do_ not _sound like that,_ the real Mantis criticized. Liquid ignored him.

He inserted another finger, and Mantis’ back arched. Tears beaded at the corners of his eyes. “Ooooohhhh!”

“Now, just relax~” Liquid murmured, pushing a third finger up. Mantis wriggled in pleasure. Liquid found his love button and massaged it, causing Mantis to buck up into his touch.

_Wait a minute,_ Mantis’ voice came again, _what position are we supposed to be in?_

“…”

_If you’re going to fantasize about me while you touch yourself, the least you could do is keep the details straight._

“Shut _up_ ,” Liquid snarled, burying his face in the arm that he wasn’t currently using to stroke his cock. He was painfully hard by this point and dammit if Mantis’ interruptions weren’t distracting…

_That’s the_ point, _idiot._

Mantis bucked up into his touch, moaning like a train blowing its whistle, except sensual instead of shrill. Liquid kissed his neck, sucking gently, leaving little red marks as he went and _yes god damn it Mantis_ _yes I know that you actually have to suck very forcefully in order to leave a hickey, don’t you dare remark on it._

_I was not planning to._

_I don’t believe that for a minute_ , Liquid thought sourly. Mantis bruised easily, anyway.

He pulled his fingers out, having deemed Mantis sufficiently loosened up, and Mantis shivered prettily, whimpering at the empty feeling in his ass, totally desperate for Liquid’s turgid member.

“Eli ♥︎♥︎ Please— ♥︎“

“How much do you want this?” Liquid said sexily, rubbing his DNA rifle up against Mantis’ velvety orifice.

“Fua… please, Eli~ I want it~~”

_Oh my god,_ Mantis ‘said’.

“Oh my god _I want your big, fat, rock-hard cock, Eli_ ♥︎” Mantis said.

Liquid smirked again, then, gripping Mantis’ shoulders, lovingly buried his heat-seeking moisture missile in him to the hilt in one stroke.

“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

_Eli, does the word “lube” mean anything to you?_

_I am_ ignoring _you_ , Liquid thought sourly, although hearing, as it were, Mantis say his name in such a disdainful tone did send an odd little shiver of thrill through him.

Shit. When did he develop a degradation kink?

_I’d call you a deviant,_ came Mantis’ voice again, _but you would probably get off on it._

Liquid shook his head, pressing his face into his bedsheets. Idly he thought about escaping his embarrassment at being _watched_ by way of suffocating himself. “Leave me be, you prick,” he muttered breathlessly, grinding against the mattress.

“Haa, aah~ nnh~ Eli~~~”

Mantis was almost sobbing in arousal as Liquid thrust his protein cannon in and out of him, thrashing against his pleasure nubbin. He was a mess - tears streaming down his cheeks, saliva running down his chin, panting like a-

_Why am I drooling?_

—his lips looked very soft and inviting and Liquid kissed him again, thrusting his tongue in, tasting Mantis’ special flavor.

“Uu… mmmm…”

“Does this feel good, lover?” Liquid asked, sucking on his earlobe.

_How are you speaking if your mouth is on my ear._

“Yes~ it feels good ♥︎♥︎♥︎ no logical inconsistencies here ♥︎“ Mantis moaned.

_You’re hilarious._ (Liquid could hear the deadpan even without it being technically audible.)

“Yes, Eli! Fuck me!! Fuck me with your huge, thick logical inconsistency!!! ♥︎“

_Oh, ha ha. You know, Eli, it really is quite funny that you think you would top if we were to have sex._

Now Liquid sat up, flinging his pillow to the side as he did so. “What the fuck is _that_ supposed to mean, Mantis?”

_What do you_ think _it means?_

Liquid scowled at nothing. “I would absolutely top you. I would make you my bitch and you would _love_ it.”

_I beg to differ. It would be exactly the other way around._

“Oh? Then why don’t you get in here and prove it?”

He felt amusement that he knew wasn’t his own. _You wish,_ was Mantis’ only reply.

Ah well. It was worth a shot.

Liquid flopped onto his back, stroking his dick again, with both hands now, and staring up at the ceiling with heavily lidded eyes. He was starting to get close…

He moved his mouth down Mantis’ body, attacking his perky buds anew, swirling his tongue around them and pinching them lightly between his teeth. At the same time, he wrapped a hand around Mantis’ weeping cock and started pumping it. Mantis was hot and tight, like a vacuum crossed with a firepit, and he kept wailing and Liquid was getting _so close_ —

_Okay,_ Mantis’ unwelcome voice said, _that is enough. Stop it, Eli._

Liquid grit his teeth, still rutting into his fist. This was his ‘alone time’; Mantis had no say in it.

_I do if you are fantasizing about me, you dolt. Knock it off, I don’t appreciate it._

“O-Oh?” Liquid said, breathing hard, “how d-do you expect to stop me, Mantis?”

_Is that a challenge?_

All of a sudden Liquid’s eyes and body felt very heavy and he couldn’t remember being this _tired_ three seconds ago. His hands fumbled, and he struggled to keep his eyes open.

_Oh, you_ arse _,_ Liquid thought, realizing somewhat belatedly that Mantis was psychically putting him to sleep. Dammit, _dammit,_ if he conked out now he’d have a hideous case of blue balls in the morning… but… his bed was so comfortable…

_It’s only what you deserve. And I could do worse, you know._

“F-Fuck… off…”

_Good night, Eli~_ ♥︎

**Author's Note:**

> Shout-out to WTFfanfiction's list of words you should never use to describe genitals. :^)
> 
> (any and all comments will be forewarded to aireyv! i will either copy/paste their reply to me or they will reply on their own account! have a nice day!!! if you have any questions, just ask!!!!)


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